Thoughts and Passions

On my books for artists blog, I've posted a review for Seth Godin's Poke the Box. The one thing I didn't mention there was how I felt the book related to my own.

This whole Sacred Knight project has been my passion for such a long time. Godin talks about how you've got to try out ideas and you'll probably fail most of the time. But if you don't poke the box, you'll never find out what will happen.

Seventeen years I've spent with my characters, mainly my hero. Multiple drafts I've tried, restarted, written bits and filed them away, tried, failed, wrote more, failed, kept writing, failed, etc. But each time I learned more. I made a few mistakes, but I learned a lot about the story. How could I have grown it if I hadn't kept trying? There were times when I wanted to throw my large storage box of notes off the Perrine Bridge just to hear it splash in the Snake River. Or how about a barbecue in the back yard -- you going to bring the marshmallows?

When you're creating a fantasy world, you're making up everything: religion, culture, speech patterns, fashion, food, history, atmosphere, animals, plants, architecture, everything. It's not a small task. You've got to experiment. It's nothing but poking the box until you find what works.

To stay at such a project, it's got to be a passion. If it's not, it's allowed to fade away. So yes, this story is my passion. When you're reading it, you're seeing the collection of many failures until I had enough faith in it to let it be a success. Is it perfect? No, it's not. But I'm not referring to success here as meaning that it's perfect. Yes, I've already thought of lines I wish I'd been able to put in the book. Oh well, the book lives on and so do it. It is a success because I've put it out there and it speaks my message.

One other point that Godin makes is that too many authors are waiting for someone else to approve them. First they have to get an agent to take them on, then a publisher. He goes on to talk about an event coordinator who would be better off being a promoter -- saying that as an event coordinator, this person is at the mercy of the promoter who holds all the power, so why not move from being an event coordinator to being a promoter? I wish he'd carried through with analogy and just said what I know he wanted to say: why doesn't the author quit waiting for permission from the publisher and just become the publisher. In this day and age, it is easy to jump into being the person in power. It's a matter of remembering that you can do it, then doing it. I can understand why people don't do it too. It took a lot of effort to put together a book, especially carrying all the jobs from writing to editing to cover design. But if it fails at market, I have no one to blame by myself.

Want to know a secret? It can't fail.

My passion is in the story, in releasing it to the world for others to read. Guess what? That's already done. Well, book 1 of 4 is done. Book one is a success, and I'm committed now to finishing books 2-4. Each book will further that success to my commitment to this story. It's a cycle. Passion, commitment, success.

Where are you at with your story? Are you letting your passion fuel it even over hardships. Notice I didn't even mention failure in the above formula. Failures are temporary. When we're learning to walk, we fall down a few times. Being able to walk from one room to another keeps a baby trying. Seeing a published book on the shelf should fuel you to get your own done no matter what it takes. Don't wait for anyone else's approval. Do it.

Fear Settling In

Now that The Three Books is out to the world, there's fear now settling in.

For years it's been, "What if this happened to Steigan?" or "What if Steigan did that?" or "What would Steigan do?"

Now it's, "What if no one likes the story?" and "What if it's not nearly as good as I think it is?" and "What if it really wasn't ready?"

Should I have read through it a couple more times? Should I have made sure I that I had pushed the story as hard as I could?

I presume having this kind of fear is normal, right? A parent always worries about their child, right? Releasing a book is a monumental undertaking and when you've been working on it, thinking, and planning for so long, it's only natural to feel a certain amount of let down once it's done, right?

I can either wait for feedback or I can keep working on the next one. Hmmm. Marketing seems so hard when questions keep the fear inside. Steigan would hate for me to make statements that weren't true or fell short of the claims.

So I turn now and work on the next book. Soon, very soon, the fear will disappear and I'll be feeling back on top. I know this because this always happens. I must work through the uncertainty and feedback will come. I'll do shows and signings and get the marketing done. One piece of the puzzle at a time. Fear of failure isn't fatal, just a lesson in patience, don't you think?

Already I can hear Steigan telling me that one never knows what one is capable of until one tries. He'd tell me to keep moving, one foot in front of the other.

What do you do when fear stops you silly?

Progress on Second Book

I have to admit that I thought writing the second book would actually be easier than the first. It's not like this is my first "cake walk." I've got several manuscripts under my bed, so to speak. I have been writing since I was four, after all.

I knew that most of the second book would be a total rewrite from what I already have, but I also knew I'd be threading in a lot of the material from my earliest drafts of this story. So what's happened?

I'm on chapter 8 of scripting this out. I realize I have a lot of talking heads. If nothing else, thinking about how I'm going to put this into a graphic novel eventually has made me more aware of character interactions and settings. Pick up any comic or manga and you'll see intense action on nearly every page. It is harder to maintain that level in a book. I also realize this is my very first draft of this and there will be much rewriting to be done so I'm not even real worried about pace right now.  There's something more bothering me.

I wish I could put my finger on it. Maybe I'm anxious because the first book is so close to coming out. Maybe it's because I don't feel ready to put a deadline on the second book.

I use to never understand authors who had writer's block. I never believed in it. Until I faced my own.

Am I scared of getting into this and facing another block? Am I afraid that I'll have a failure to launch with the first book and no one will even care about the second book?

It really is times like these when my main character, Steigan, gives me strength. I can hear him telling me to circle round my fear instead of letting it circle around me. To do the latter means that fear takes my strength, but in the former strength is gained from the energy of fear. It forces you to be your best, to think things through, to stay sharp. Yes, he would say, there is a mind-shift that occurs when one turns the tables on fear. Even now, I can feel it like a seed within me.

My first draft doesn't have to be perfect. It just has to be material to start with. Yes, I know what's going to happen in the story -- I should after all the time I've spent on it.

Good, strong characters come from the core of the author. Steigan is my core. When I feel like I'm going to shoot off in a million directions or fall to pieces, he steps in and reminds me to be who I am. He is my balance, my center. As long as I've listened to his noble advise, he's never led me astray. I'm glad to be telling his story.